Self-Rejection & Self-Doubt: How to Bypass Your Biggest Obstacle, You [#561] (2025)

Transcript

The 5 AM Miracle Podcast, hosted by Jeff Sanders

Episode #561: Self-Rejection & Self-Doubt: How to Bypass Your Biggest Obstacle, You

Jeff Sanders
Remember the last time you saw a job posting that sounded perfect for you, but instead of applying for it, you talked yourself out of it?

Or the last time you wanted to connect with another person for an awesome opportunity, but instead of sending that email, you chickened out?

You know the internal dialogue that shows up in those moments.

"I'm not qualified enough."

"I don't have enough education or experience."

"That person would never want to talk to me."

Or "I'm just not ready yet."

It's time to quiet that voice in your head and make the forward progress that your life and work depend on.

This is The 5AM Miracle, Episode #561.

Self-Rejection and Self-Doubt.

How to Bypass Your Biggest Obstacle - You.

Good morning and welcome to The 5AM Miracle.

I am Jeff Sanders and this is the podcast dedicated to dominating your day before breakfast.

My goal is to help you bounce out of bed with enthusiasm, create powerful, lifelong habits, and tackle your grandest goals with extraordinary energy.

I am a keynote speaker and corporate trainer specializing in delivering high-energy, interactive, and action-oriented presentations and workshops focused on productivity, wellness, and personal and professional growth.

If you want to learn more, head over to JeffSanders.com/speaking.

In the episode this week, I'll break down how self-rejection holds you back from more opportunities than probably anything else, why your self-doubt is the only obstacle between you and your biggest dreams, and how to begin the process to unravel years of fear-based decision-making so you can take that courageous step forward into your ideal future self.

Let's dig in.

Don't think you deserve the job.

Apply for it anyway.

Don't think your article is good enough.

Publish it anyway.

Don't think they'll reply to your email.

Send it anyway.

Don't self-reject.

I saw this quotation posted online recently and it really hit home.

There are so many scenarios in life where this exact story plays out again and again.

How many times have you stopped yourself from stepping out into the unknown because you were uncertain of the outcome, convinced you would fail, certain that nothing good could come from this attempt?

What if I told you that all of that was nonsense, that the only path forward towards your goals was directly through these exact steps, that the difference between you today and the better you tomorrow was a simple decision to face your fears head-on, and that you are only where you are because you chose to be there?

No one likes to hear that.

No one likes to hear that their problems are their fault.

And often that's not true, but for the sake of argument, imagine it was.

Imagine everything in your life, good or bad, was true because of you.

The choices you make, the people you hang out with, the goals you pursue, and the unlimited number of choices you opted out of due to fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

Now imagine a future where you take full responsibility for your life.

A future where you own the outcomes, good and bad.

A future where you take the reins and forge a new path.

It sounds like personal growth woo-woo, but it's more real than it is fake.

It's more true than it is false, and you are in more control of your life than you may want to believe, not less.

So this week, let's talk about self-rejection, self-doubt, and the undeniability that for better or for worse, our daily decisions dictate our results.

This is a very powerful conversation.

Self-rejection and self-doubt are the underpinning foundational ridiculousness of our inability to move forward.

It's just so absurd in so many cases where we would look at our lives and say, "Wait a minute.

I didn't get the job that I wanted.

I didn't get the outcome I desired.

I didn't lose the weight.

I didn't ask out that girl.

I didn't do the thing.

And I didn't do it.

I didn't take the steps forward to make that even possible."

This is self-rejection.

This is self-doubt in action.

The thing you wanted didn't happen, and it only didn't happen because there was never an initiation on your part to begin that process.

So let's discuss how self-rejection holds you back from more opportunities than anything else, and we're going to start with a very famous quotation that I love and I'm sure you've heard before, which is that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Said by Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott from The Office.

So this quote is one that is constantly tossed around, and yet it is so true.

It's always true.

If you don't take the shot, you have no chance.

You miss all the opportunities if you're not in the arena.

If you're not in the game, it's over.

You've already failed.

I hate the word failure here, but it's just real, isn't it?

Nothing guarantees failure more than never even trying to begin with.

Nothing sets you up for success more than getting in the game, no matter how bad you are to begin with.

And let me just drill this point home.

This podcast of mine has been a work in progress for more than 11 years.

11.

Not 11 days. 11 full years.

More than a decade.

And if you go back to the very beginning, episodes one through a hundred, literally, I'm a bad podcaster.

Just really, really bad.

I've heard myself so many times on this show.

I hear myself every single week.

And the one thing that I hear over and over again is my own self doubt coming through.

I can hear it in my voice.

I can hear it in the content.

I know what it's like to do things where you don't have that confidence to constantly publish things and put them out for the entire world to hear.

And you know, in your head that it wasn't good enough.

You know, you had more to give.

You know, it could have been better.

You feel it in your bones that there was something more for you to offer.

But here's what brings me back again and again.

I published.

I said, yes.

I put it out there every single week for more than 11 years and counting.

I'm still here and I'm still doing this thing.

There are so many people who have started and stopped something complicated.

Podcasting is definitely one of those things, but there's amazing number of people who just quit.

And I don't mean they quit because they realized it was a bad fit for them.

I mean, they just don't give the effort.

They hear themselves on the microphone.

They see the quality of their work, and then they view that as a reflection of them.

They view the quality of the work as some sort of identifier that they're a failure, that they're not good enough, that somehow this is an indication that it was not meant to be.

And though there are plenty of examples that could be true, there is no doubt that publishing, getting yourself in the game, doing the thing, and being willing to accept that outcome is the only path forward to ever becoming an expert, to ever becoming a pro.

You will not be the person you're striving to be if you're unwilling to experience those moments of ouch.

That was a bad one.

I didn't like that one.

I mean, literally just earlier today, I recorded a podcast for the second time.

The first time was yesterday.

And today I went back to listen to it and edit the episode and I just couldn't handle it.

I had to do the entire thing and redo it.

Once again, 11 years of podcasting and I still have terrible episodes, just awful content sometimes.

But I'm still here.

This is the point.

I'm still here.

That's what I want for you.

I want you to take those shots.

I want you to miss and learn from that experience and yet come back again tomorrow and do it again and do it better.

Because that's where the growth comes from.

That's where the acceptance of your place in this world comes from is to be willing to overcome that desire to self-reject, to acknowledge the fear, acknowledge the doubt and say, "But I'm still here anyway.

I showed up anyway."

In the face of the fear, with all the doubt, with all the desire to self-reject, it doesn't matter.

I'm committed.

I'm in.

I'll use a good example of the opposite of this.

When I was in college, I majored in theater and I had this intention of going to film school.

That was my entire goal all through school.

I got to my senior year and I had this professor who asked me, "So Jeff, where do you plan to apply to school?"

I gave her a list of these three or four schools.

She was like, "Oh, I actually know an alumni from our school who went to one of your film schools on your list.

How about you contact that graduate and ask them about their experience?"

I was like, "Okay, great."

I sent an email to this graduate from our program and he got back to me with this very explicit email.

By explicit, I don't mean it was graphic.

I mean he was hardcore, did not miss a beat.

He laid it out for me in all the detail.

If you want to do this, go to film school, become a filmmaker, live in California, be a Hollywood actor, be a filmmaker, do the thing, live the life.

Man, you'd better be all in.

You'd better be 100% committed to letting, literally he said in the email, "Let your eyes bleed because you're so tired."

I remember that phrase 20 years later.

Let your eyes bleed and be okay with it and keep going.

It crushed me.

Literally, I couldn't handle this email he sent back to me.

I remember thinking to myself, "I don't love film like that.

That's not me.

It does not describe who I am as a person."

Now the funny thing is if you fast forward about 10 years or so, I'm then at this point a podcaster, public speaker.

I'm running marathons and ultra marathons and writing books.

I'm living the life that I then crafted years later.

The funny thing is I look back and say, "Wait a minute.

If someone asked me, 'What does it take to launch a podcast and keep at it for 10 years or to run an ultra marathon or publish a book?'

I'm not going to use the phrase, 'Let your eyes bleed,' because it's just too graphic, but I get it.

I get this idea that you're all in.

You're 100%.

This is who you are.

This is the game you signed up for and you're excited about it.

You want it."

And so the sacrifice doesn't feel like a sacrifice.

Your experience is just what it is, but you don't care about the side effects that show up, because generally speaking, you're so driven and drawn into the thing you're passionate about, the rest of it's just details.

And it took a real smack in the face moment for me when I was 22 years old to get that email and realize, "Okay, there are certain things in life that I don't have that for now, but I want that.

I want that feeling.

I want to be able to find that place in life where I seem to fit, where it just is me."

And I did.

It took some time.

It took some experimentation.

It took me trying and failing at a number of things, but that was the whole point.

I was in the game.

I was prepared to answer that question of, "Where do I fit in?

What is this life going to look like for me?"

And the only way I was able to answer any of those questions was by taking shots.

It was by publishing.

It was by producing.

It was shipping.

It was putting things out into the world, getting that feedback, getting the results and saying, "Okay, here's awesome information.

Let's use that.

Let's pivot and let's keep going."

Once again, I'm still here.

And I hope you are too, because this is what this is.

Belief, success, goal achievement, this overcoming of self-rejection and self-doubt, it is that commitment to say, "Tomorrow morning, 5 a.m., let's do this.

I'm ready again.

I'm in.

I'm sold.

I'm confident.

I'm committed."

It takes a while to get to that point.

I'm not going to say you can just wake up tomorrow and feel that.

You have to earn that feeling.

And I don't mean that in a tall order kind of way.

I mean that in the sense that this is a rhythm and it's a lifestyle and it's a commitment to say, "I want to reach that point.

I want to be able to face those fears, to have that courage."

And that starts with small steps.

It begins with these, "I'll get into the arena a little bit.

I'll dip my toe in the water and then my foot and then my ankle and then my leg."

It just keeps going a little more, a little more.

And then you look back at who you used to be.

Before I look back at Jeff Sanders, the podcaster from 11 years ago and go, "Whoa, me 11 years ago did not have the confidence, but I was willing to try.

I was willing to say, 'You know what?

I'm not a great podcaster yet, but I want to do this.

I'm ready to say yes.'

And so I did.

I launched July 1st, 2013.

I put out an episode that frankly was just nonsense.

It was really, really rough.

But I kept showing up week after week, every Monday morning for 11 plus years."

I'm not going to harp on that too much now, but you see the point here.

You see where this goes.

It starts somewhere and that start is goofy.

It's embarrassing.

It's weird.

Which brings me to point number two.

Your fear of embarrassment is likely your biggest weakness.

Imagine a baby trying to walk or a child learning to read or a teenager learning to drive or a 20-something launching a podcast with no experience in radio or broadcasting.

Right?

That's my story.

But it's yours as well.

All of us as beginners became experts over time.

All of us eventually learn to walk, read, drive, perform, and achieve our goals.

But one thing we may have forgotten about our experiences from long, long ago, learning to walk, learning to read, learning to drive, is that at some point in that process, we looked foolish.

We looked kind of ridiculous.

And frankly, we should have been embarrassed by our performance.

We should have felt this sense of, "Ooh, someone might judge me.

Someone might see me," and point and laugh.

Now, when you're a baby, you don't have that sense of awareness.

As you get older, you do.

And that sense of awareness becomes a ginormous weakness.

Because yes, you are aware of others, but then you let that awareness stop you.

You let that awareness of, "Someone else might judge me.

Someone else might care what I look like, sound like, or do."

And then because of that, we stop.

We give up.

That's it.

And we fail over the potentiality of embarrassment, the possibility that we might look weird.

And so we just quit.

Let's go back to school.

If you have had this experience, which everybody has, when you're asked to read out loud in class, nobody likes this.

Nobody wants to read out loud.

It is a terrifying experience.

It is awful for everyone involved.

And yet, at some point, you get good at reading.

Now maybe the act of reading is not an expertise of yours.

It's not a skill set you've mastered, even to this day.

And maybe this just could bring up trauma for you right now.

And for that, I apologize.

But all of us know what that feeling is of we're asked to do something where we know that others are legitimately listening to our every word.

And then because of that, we tense up.

We have small, short breaths.

And we don't get that sense of confidence that we have a skill set.

We can do this.

It's tough in those moments, right?

We know that others are watching.

But my question, the most important one here, who cares?

Honestly, who actually cares?

The end result of these experiences is always going to be more knowledge, more growth, more possibility.

The ends actually justify the means in these cases.

And by that, I mean, it doesn't matter how embarrassed you are during the journey, as long as you are willing to continue until the end.

Our obsession with the perceptions of others is frankly ridiculous.

We all have it though.

I have it like crazy.

It's definitely a thing that I feel all the time.

And yet you have to keep showing up.

We have to remind ourselves, honestly, and this is very frank and very true.

Nobody else cares about you like you do.

Nobody else cares.

I promise you.

Not your spouse, not your parents, nobody.

You care about you.

And if you look goofy or you're kind of weird, or you do something that somebody else might feel is embarrassing, who cares?

Honestly, it's just, we have to get over ourselves.

One of the most glorious things about my theater degree from college and my theater experience in high school is this really amazing environment that you get in a theatrical experience.

If you're going to do a play, a musical theater performance, doesn't matter what it is.

If you're around actors, one thing you will see immediately is this sense of weirdness.

Actors are weird people and they do things in public that nobody else does.

And you go to the behind the scenes of a rehearsal and you're there for the performance and you realize that personality, that charisma that comes from this just kind of goofy, weird, you know, trial and error thing results in incredible performances.

It results in someone doing something that others literally cannot do because they're unwilling to go through the motions to get to that result.

They're unwilling to act awkward in public.

I would do monologues all the time for class and theater and college and be asked to do characters and personalities that were so unlike me.

And there was a lot of me at first that was very apprehensive, like, wait a minute, I don't really know what this is, but I would practice.

I would go to class, I would perform in front of my teacher or my classmates, and then they would give me feedback and they would tell me what was going on and what was good and bad.

And I learned very quickly this process, this goofy experience is a training ground for confidence.

It is a training ground for success in life.

When we attach ourselves to the judgment of others, we are missing so many opportunities to express our own potential, to step into what is possible for us.

I'm not going to argue this is easy, right?

Getting over embarrassment is a lifelong challenge.

It just is, it's part of us, but it's necessary.

It is absolutely necessary to embody this mentality of who cares?

Who cares, man?

Do your thing.

Be you.

Look foolish.

Be embarrassed.

Try and fail.

Do it in public.

Sound awkward.

Fine, fine.

That's just is what it is.

As long as you're paying attention and you learn from the experience and you grow and you improve, that's the process.

The third piece to this puzzle about how self-rejection holds you back more is that action is the answer.

Action wins every time.

The successful person is not the person with a thousand ideas.

It's the person with one mediocre idea who acted on it through to completion.

Walking 26.2 miles still counts as a marathon.

It's a slow one, but still counts as a marathon.

If you publish a book that no one reads, you're still an author.

It's not the end result that matters when you're on the first step.

But there has to be a first step.

There has to be a willingness to write and publish a bad book.

To walk and not finish a marathon.

To then later on run and finish.

To then later on write a better book.

We have to be willing to get in the game and just be goofy.

But the action is what leads to the growth.

Once again, if you're unwilling to try, the whole thing is already over.

Shifting gears just slightly, let's discuss why your self-doubt is the only obstacle between you and your biggest dreams.

The first point is one I've kind of already made, which is that success is a process.

Doubting yourself prevents trying, and trying is the only way to get better.

This is a process.

This is a long-term vision.

This is a lifestyle.

A lifestyle being willing to try and fail.

The doubting stops you from the trying.

We have to get over this doubt by simply taking the action.

Taking action is what will make that voice a lot quieter.

There's a guy on my podcast years ago named Jia Zhang who wrote a book all about fear, and all about him facing fears and doing awkward, weird, goofy things every single day.

And his book and his story are fascinating.

And they really paint this picture that we can do weird things, and it's going to be better for doing it.

And that when we stop ourselves from doing weird things, we stop ourselves from experiencing something we otherwise would get that's actually better.

This apprehension to live fully stops us in our tracks from the process that it takes to actually live out that full life.

And so if you are considering, "Do I step in or not?

Do I say yes or no?"

Yes, you do step in.

Yes, you say yes.

This is what success looks like.

It's all over the map.

It's weird, but it's a lot faster than just sitting still.

The second point here is that self-doubt itself is contagious.

Doubting yourself in one area leads to doubting yourself in all kinds of areas.

But the opposite is also true.

Self-confidence is contagious.

When you have this amazing ability to overcome problems in one area, you then have the willingness to try in others too.

You kind of know these people, right?

Those who seem to have it all together.

They seem to have everything working for them.

Their life is just a breeze.

They're rich.

They're famous.

They're successful.

They're thin.

Everything just seems perfect.

Now, the reality is their life is a hot mess too.

Don't kid yourself.

They're human.

However, it is true that once you are successful in one area, it gives you a huge step up for success in others as well.

It doesn't guarantee it.

You still have to do the work, but that self-confidence is going to allow you to have that sense of "I'm going to get in the game here too."

It might be a new area.

It might be an awkward area.

It might be a weakness of mine, but I'm still going to get in and try because I've got that confidence to begin.

Third point is that hidden talents serve no one.

Doubting yourself hides your true potential.

And honestly, nobody can benefit from what you have to offer if you never show it, if you never let it shine, never let it out there in the world, if you never launch your podcast, never publish your book, never try to run that marathon, never apply for that job, never ask out that guy or girl.

If you never do it, nobody knows.

It's all hidden.

It's all gone.

It disappears literally, in some cases, forever.

The moment is gone.

We can't hide in the shadows.

We have to get out and live.

Your hidden abilities should not be hidden.

They should be out for the world to see.

I'm asking you to do something you probably don't want to do.

I'm asking you to be embarrassed, to be goofy, to publish.

And yeah, that's going to fill the world with a lot of weird, awkward people doing a lot of weird, awkward things, but welcome to life.

That's what it all is anyway, especially those who are willing to just do this all in public.

Now you can also do this in private.

You can start there and then amp up later, but you still got to start sometime.

Okay, the final piece of the episode this week is that courageous steps forward are what you need.

And I want you to begin the process to unravel what likely are years of fear-based decisions so you can take those courageous steps forward into your ideal future self.

And the first step is to choose who you want to become, not what you want to achieve.

Who you are is infinitely more important than any resume you could possibly build over time.

The focus here is on your skills, your morals, your values, your mission.

It's who you are as a person, not what you've done or are going to do.

It's not a checklist, not a resume.

It's not a list of accomplishments or a bucket list.

We are trying to become the kinds of individuals who could theoretically pursue anything or lots of things and do so with confidence and do so well.

Who we become is the goal.

That's the intention.

And the courageousness of wanting to step into a better version of you is what leads to actually becoming that better version.

And courage, once again, literally means stepping forward with the fear, into the fear, into the apprehension, with the embarrassment.

It doesn't mean it's gone.

It means you're just going to move forward anyway.

Second piece is take small steps at first.

Look at it.

Nothing big ever happened all at once.

Always focus on the next simple action.

Once again, it could be grad school, could be a book, it could be a business, it could be a health goal, relationship goal, doesn't matter.

Nothing big ever happened all at once.

Tiny steps is everything.

In the moment, present moment actions.

That's where it all starts.

That's where the confidence comes from.

It's where success comes from.

You making a smarter choice right here, right now, and taking just a little itty bitty step to make that happen.

And the third and final piece is you want to surround yourself with cheerleaders.

Literally not actually, not literally, but cheerleaders, people who cheer you on, which could actually be literal cheerleaders.

Anyway, if those around you don't believe in you, you want to find others to be around.

I used to spend a lot of time around a lot of smart people.

Back in college, first few jobs I had, I pivoted to a lifestyle of working from home about 10, 12 years ago.

And when I did, I lost a big part of my life that I now realize was a huge mistake.

I'm no longer surrounded physically by people who believe in me.

Yes, my wife does, my kids do, my neighbor does actually.

But aside from them, I don't see people as often as I used to.

I'm more isolated than I was before.

And it's only now that I'm realizing I made a big mistake a long time ago that I am now in the process of rectifying, which is I want to physically be around people who believe in what I believe in, who will cheer me on for my goals, who want the best for me.

That's what you want as well.

Your environment and your peer group will impact your future success.

They also impact your willingness to once again be kind of weird, to try new things.

Back when I was doing theater all the time in high school and college, I was surrounded by those doing the exact same thing, a bunch of people who were all willing to look goofy.

And so then I felt comfortable to do the same thing.

And so I grew because they did.

So we did together.

It was a group effort and all of us improved simultaneously.

There is power in numbers, power and having positive peer groups.

It's a lot of Ps, but there is power here.

So surround yourself with cheerleaders, get yourself in the game and see this through.

Be willing to try these things.

It works.

I promise you it works.

For the action step this week, whatever you've been holding back on, dig in now.

Whatever you are afraid to apply for, apply for it.

Whatever you are afraid to talk to, talk to them.

Whenever you feel the apprehension to move forward in fear, move forward anyway.

Self-rejection is not a path forward.

It's a choice to stay stuck.

Choose to get unstuck, choose progress and choose it today.

Of course, subscribe to this podcast and your favorite podcast app, or become a VIP member of the 5AM Miracle community by getting the premium ad-free version with exclusive bonus episodes at 5ammiraclepremium.com.

That's all I've got for you here on the 5AM Miracle Podcast this week.

Until next time, you have the power to change your life, and all that fun begins bright and early.

---

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